Why do we look for the future?
by korohoshi
Summary: AU. It starts with a break-up. They grew messed-up. Do they need to cover themselves like scars with make-up? OCs. Angst within a family. Why we look forward to a future when the past is still the present pain?


Chapter 1: Broken

WARNING: Read at your own risk. No beta. Unrefined writing. AU. Mentions of MxM. Broken relationships. Not much fluff. Angst. Starts with no direction whatsoever. Based from exp when I was 13 so I wouldn't know about the developmental/emotional stage I was at.

Disclaimer: I am nothing but a fool. Obviously. When do dreamers wake up?

* * *

Numb.

 _It doesn't hurt._

It should bloody be hurting.

 _It really does need to hurt._

It doesn't hurt.

 _No pain, only numb._

A little girl who is trying her best to cry, lies awake. Thinking of ways, why or how she cannot feel sad like how her older sister came to her earlier crying. Her younger brother, who is sleeping on her bed, clings to her hand. Poor gal does not want to wake the baby. She doesn't want to disturb the sweet babe nor her older sister, who wraps herself to their younger brother as they slumber.

It hurts. _A lie._

It does not hurt one bit.

She breathes in deeply. Oh, how she wants to scream loudly but she can't. In her head she knows she should be bawling like the baby she is. Instead, she's screaming in silence. Screaming bloody murder to the world. She wants to wail out and make someone comfort her but she doesn't. She can't. She knows she's supposed to be asleep right now. She can't. She knows she needs to mourn. Knows of how her body naturally processes – not normal. She just can't.

Keep to yourself.

 _I want to cry._

Don't disturb others.

 _Mind your manners._

Don't be a baby.

 _I should be crying._

Your siblings are asleep. Mother is always watching. Father is now gone.

 _Hold on._

There's nothing to hold on to.

 _Endure it for now._

Tomorrow is coming.

 _Keep yourself together._

But-

Papa. _Papa_. Papa. She laments.

Papa why did you leave?

 _Why?_

Why that man? _Why not us?_ I thought you love me. I thought- I thought I will always be your beloved girl.

 _Why did you leave, Papa?_

Thoughts the girl brings out to her forethought in hopes that she can prove her older sister wrong.

 _"Do you not care anymore?" she said._

I love you, Papa. I love you.

 _Why?_

Why did you leave? I don't want to hate you.

I love you. I love you. _Papa, I love you, where are you?_

Come back?

 ** _Why?_**

Please. _Papa._ Papa, come back. I will be a good girl. I will eat my vegetables. I will play with baby Soushi when you are busy. Promise!

 _Why?_

So, come back, please?

Papa?

W _ **hY?**_

Papa, I love you. I really, really love you.

 _W_ **H** y?

So please come back?

Why can't she cry?

 _ **Wh**_ y _ca_ **n'** t _**sh**_ _e_ C **r** ** _y_** **?**

How come people leave their family for another person? Why do love fall short? Where does it start or end? When does it occur? What triggers the fallout?

She remembers back then when her father loves her mother. Remembers his warm embrace, his laugh, his gentle caring and his love.

Do Papa still love me? Love us?

Anyone can be a father but a good father will always be there for his children. She remembers of her aunt that warned her about her father's inappropriate infidelity. At first, she doesn't know what that means or what "Your father is meeting another man" is supposed to mean. Now, she knows.

The consequence. The result.

And, the cause. She loathes.

Why does her family have to be broken?

Broken.

 _ **B**_ r _O_ k **e** _N_.

God awfully broken.

Still she does not cry but it is starting to hurt. A dull throb. A heartbeat of hate and sadness.

Is this how it's supposed to be? Is this why her aunt refrains from marrying?

Why now of all times?

There's a maddening war outside and this is the time he leaves?

She may be a child but she knows how hard her mother works just to feed them. She sees her older sister leave early to help her mother. Her Papa haven't been home for quite a while so mother was forced to find a job.

They will need money to survive the war.

It's hard to be a civilian; it is difficult to be a ninja.

Aki is just 3 years older than the little girl Sora. Sora is turning 5 years old this coming fall. The ninja academy is accepting even those younger than them. Aki can join but she will not attend. Her body can be trained but their Mama will not allow it. Sora can join, she can still be conditioned. Mama will think about it.

Baby Soushi is barely 2 years old. Their mother Haruna, not yet 30 years of age, is working hard for them. She knows her Mama loves them because she stayed. Papa left so he doesn't love them.

Why is it that the only way she knows how to earn money is to become like Papa? She doesn't like it. Unfortunately, it is the only thing in all her meager brain can come up with. Besides, she is too apathetic towards others that she doesn't know how to communicate.

Her head hurts.

Sora thinks it's time to sleep now. With a heavy heart, she falls asleep; waiting for tomorrow that will bring another heartache.

What are they going to do now?

* * *

The next day came without fanfare. The siblings are subdued. Their mother is grateful. A brief respite for what is to come. It's preparing them for the continuation of yesterday's disappointment.

Haruna goes to work. Aki was asked to stay with her siblings. Sora wants to sleep but keeps baby Soushi entertained in the living room while Aki tidies their home.

No, that was wrong. It is not their home anymore. They will have to leave. Their mother hates that place and so does Aki. Sora wants to feel hatred too but she is too numb – too apathetic with that person's betrayal. She thinks she may have cried last night. Little Sora is tired so she will not do it.

The siblings were playing with a bunch of worn out dolls and paper drawn pictures of mini people when a knock on the door catches their attention.

"Hello. Anyone here? Haruna?" a familiar voice asked. Aki went and opened the door.

A familiar figure: Tall, masculine and too familiar person to be mistaken for anyone else. "Father." Aki tonelessly greeted. "You are early. Mama is not yet here."

"Aki!" Surprised with the way he was greeted by his daughter, Tsuyoshi couldn't help but feel hurt.

"Come in, Father. Is your partner coming?" Her eyes were puffy but her stare was dead, unfeeling.

"By partner, you mean Kanzaki?" Kanzaki, a chūnin of Konoha, had been his teammate since genin.

Aki ignored Tsuyoshi. Instead, she called Sora. "Sora, can you go and wash the dishes? Bring Soushi with you, too."

Sora eyed her father before promptly heeding her older sister's request bringing Soushi with her. She knows why Aki did that but it doesn't mean that she wants to leave Aki there alone with their father.

Sora yearns for the time where there was no conflict in the house. Heh. House. When did it change? Does it really matter now? Sora shrugged.

The next couple of hours that followed when Haruna arrived was pure chaos. It started with Tsuyoshi commenting on how she was going to sustain their needs then it progressed to Haruna bad mouthing him and his choice of partner.

Soushi doesn't understand. Why are his parents arguing and why is Aki crying? The boy doesn't know what to do. He cries along with Aki to gain their parent's attention. It doesn't help. It didn't help.

Looking for anyone to approach and comfort him for the unsettling atmosphere in the house, he turned the only person not affected like everyone else. Sora was just there sitting beside him staring blankly. Her hands are on him though so he thinks that she was just ignoring him and is watching the others be ugly.

"Ra-nee! Ra!" When Sora looked down to face him, Souchi pointed at their parents shouting at each other. "Stop! Papa! Mama! Noooo, stop. Stop!" he screamed.

Sora without much choice, decided to get out of that stifling place. She looked at Aki who was crying at a corner in the house covering her ears and was rocking back and forth, she doesn't like the way things are. They need to get out of this place.

It's suffocating and depressing. Emotions are raging. Anger. Mean words flying around. Adults screaming at the top of their voices. A child's name being mention makes them angrier. A person's name is blasphemed and they went deep to the others heart wanting to deal damage that may never be repaired.

Aki is still crying.

Sora is confused and angry.

Souichi does not know what to do.

Aren't they forgetting something important? Vital even?

The kids are in the same room as them.

* * *

Do we need to drown to want air?  
Sorry.

Story is mainly another version of a story of mine. It's nothing much. Just recently found this lying around in a corner of my external. You can go ahead and point out things to me that may or may not catch your attention. Some of the things mentioned here came from my childhood. You can ask. Just don't expect an answer. Comment or review some so I can have more ideas on what to write. Please and thank you.


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